Monthly Archives: January 2015

Protected: Every. Fucking. Weekend.

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Stolen moments

I woke up at 6:50 this morning, checking the clock after a noise brought me to full consciousness.  Song was in the upstairs bathroom, finishing her makeup before leaving for school.  She fled down the stairs shortly thereafter, thankfully turning off the bathroom light before leaving.

KJ must have been woken up by her descending footsteps as he shuffled into our bedroom and crawled over Jennifer before snuggling into his customary barrier position between us.  A few minutes later Song came back upstairs to let Jennifer & I know that she’d missed the bus.  Jennifer & I whispered back and forth, playing footsie with each other – with KJ between us, it’s the easiest way to reach out and have some gentle intimacy.

Jennifer left shortly thereafter to drop Song off; she returned bearing Starbucks and I was grateful to have her climb back in bed on my side.  A few stolen minutes of murmuring, sharing our thoughts and laughter and kisses, hoping that KJ would stay asleep.

Of course, since it was Friday he woke up at 8:50 and was rarin’ to go.  On school days it’s a struggle to get him out of bed at 9:15.  Those few minutes, though… they make the day better.

Wishlist items #2 & #3 – Distressed Leather Pea Coat & Sniper Jacket from Cockpit USA

One of my many “quirks” is a borderline addiction to coats & jackets.  I cannot explain why I like coats and jackets so much; I suspect it’s the male version of how women collect shoes and purses.

Anyhow, here’s a couple things I’m currently lusting after:

Cockpit USA Distressed Leather Peacoat

Look at how badass this thing is.  Arm length would seem to indicate that this comes down to around the mid thigh, making it a good possibility for a car coat, or any 70’s era North East cop thriller cosplay. Not that I’d do that…

My only gripe is that it’s “distressed” – I don’t like artificially distressed clothing; I want all the scrapes, gouges and wear to come from what I’ve done to it, not from it being tumbled in a dryer full of pea gravel for two hours.

Price: $1085

Product page –

Cockpit USA “Sniper Jacket”

I have mixed feelings about this jacket.  Part of the misgivings come from the name, it screams “Mall Ninja” and I don’t know if it is a blatant attempt to cash in on the name recognition from the American Sniper movie currently in theaters, or something else.

That said, this jacket is pretty cool.  The arm pockets remind me of the modified BDU uniforms that SF has been doing since the Vietnam Era, where the lower BDU blouse pockets were removed and sewn to the sleeves because as issued they could not be used while wearing LBE.  This jacket, however, retains the lower utility pockets and adds hand warmer side entry panels – then again, you probably aren’t going to be turtled up or wearing LBE with this.

Due to the bend in the sleeves as pictured, I’m going to guess that this coat comes to just below the beltline by 2″-3″ which would make it suitable for concealed carry.

Price: $950

Product Page –

Wishlist item #1: Another Harley-Davidson Police ElectraGlide

The 2015 FLHTPI Police Edition (Peace Officer) Electraglide

There’s no real reason for me to have this, as I never get to ride anymore. I had to sell my previous (2007) Police Electraglide last year when my Tahoe was totalled after getting rear ended by texting driver, and prior to that I hadn’t really ridden since moving into the new shop in 2013; KJ & Jennifer largely take up all of my free time.

That. Said.

I loved riding my motorcycles.  The Road Star went very fast – it was a 1600cc engine and flew down the road.  I sold it and then used the money to get the Harley and it was a beast.  103cu in. engine with insane torque – it flew.  Insane handling, and extremely responsive brakes.  Plus the lights and siren were cool as well.

Being able to get out into the wind and feel the sun on your face is liberating.  Riding was my zen time; it was when I could shut down outside stress and just clear my thoughts.

Price: Unknown, as it isn’t available to the general public.

Product Page:

I’m tired

I rarely have excess energy anymore.  I feel like go through each day in a fugue; I’m swaddled in blankets that don’t warm me, and the world is muted.

I don’t get good sleep because KJ constantly comes into the bedroom through the night, or the kids are making noise downstairs, or I’m in some sort of pain, or a litany of other reasons.

I have no outlets for stress release other than reading or working out, and they are largely mere postponements or temporary reprieves.  The problems never go away or are resolved, they simply lurk and bide their time until they can return to the surface.  It’s no wonder I have headaches at least 3 days a week.

I haven’t eaten since Saturday night, but I’m not hungry.  I’m not even thirsty, really, though I know I need to hydrate in order to function.

I’m numb, or I’m angry, or I’m deflated.  Who knows what the future holds.

No matter how bad it gets

Midnight plus thirty and I’m at Skyline, eating my most wretched of comfort foods.

I don’t know if the guy behind me is trying to be polite because he’s had too much to drink, or if he’s flirting with the waitress in a painfully cringeworthy way.  I choked down my usual food substitute while reading 50 Foot Ant’s fourth story, then left as I had no excuse to stay longer.

Sitting in the 4Runner, trying to get warm. I ate trying to fill the same hole, The truck hadn’t begun to warm up and already there’s man walking up on me.  I crack the window and make sure my strong hand has access to my holster.

He says that he’d just gotten out of jail, and wasn’t trying to run a game on me; he just wants to get enough money for a beer and a bus ticket.  I appreciate the brazenness of that approach, so I give him all the folding money I had on me: 7-12 dollars, I don’t count it, He needs it more than I.

As depressed as I am, as empty as I feel, there are people who have it much worse.

Carl told me today that I have the patience of Job.  I am just a man, trying to do what I can to make it through. Lord, it’s tough.  I don’t ask for help with my journey, just the strength to make it through.